Relational Formation

Relational formation is the process of spiritual transformation that results from being deeply involved in authentic and life-changing relationships with other people. A journey through emotional formation has the potential to bring a person to a place of realization that no one has the resources within to deal with issues of life and humanity. Therefore, the logical next step in the process is to find these resources through relationships with others.

On my own personal journey, I struggled with eight months of clinical depression, leaving me in a very low place. Through listening to the wisdom of some wise friends and Christian counselors, I came to the place where I realized that there were at least two dynamics going on in my life. First, my family of origin issues had left me in a place where I was continually searching for a father figure. In other words, there was a relational void in my own nuclear family that was creating major implications for my ability to cope with life and ministry. Second, my church experience during the formative years of discipleship and ministry internship had taught me well to rely only on God and the Bible for my spiritual, emotional, and relational needs. But relational connection with people was not viewed as a significant source of spiritual growth, healing, or transformation. Thus, I had many acquaintances and a number of people I called “friends,” but no one in my life with whom to share the deep parts of myself. I honestly did not know what it meant to live as part of a biblical community. So when I was challenged by life circumstances that were more difficult than I had the character or structure to face, my lack of resources propelled me into a very lonely place that resulted in a reactive depression. I was in crisis and needed a way out. After some searching, I was blessed with several friends who became a community of people who cared for me and for one another. M. Scott Peck says that genuine communities frequently develop in response to crisis.

The environment for relational formation is often referred to as “community.” Therefore, it is important to understand what is meant by community. Community has been defined many different ways. David Prior defines it as “a place where people feel they belong, where they are welcomed, accepted, and both challenged and encouraged.” M. Scott Peck says that there is no adequate one-sentence definition of genuine community because community is something more than the sum of its parts. However, he moves toward defining it when he says, “If we are going to use the word meaningfully we must restrict it to a group of individuals who have learned how to communicate honestly with each other, whose relationships go deeper than their masks of composure, and who have developed some significant commitment to ‘rejoice together, mourn together,’ and to ‘delight in each other, make others’ conditions our own.’” He then spends an entire chapter naming the most salient characteristics of true community: inclusivity, commitment, consensus, realism, contemplation, a safe place, a laboratory for personal disarmament, a group that can fight gracefully, a group of all leaders, and a spirit.
           
Julie Gorman describes the development of true community as “relatedness.” She says: “To relate one must know, and to know one must work at being open to trust. Relatedness has a price tag that not only includes time but also energy and concern. Devotion to community requires caring enough to exert effort. It may also require the sacrifice of effort spent elsewhere. Community building requires the unrelenting conviction that it is one of the most important things we can do to experience fulfillment. We will never be whole or satisfied without the experience of community.”

In a section entitled “Only Community Is Forever,” Gilbert Bilezikian describes the passion for community as “a lifelong yearning for that one love that will never be found, the languishing in our inner selves for an all-consuming intensity of intimacy that we know will never be fulfilled, a heart-need to surrender all that we are to a bond that will never fail.”

For further reading, check out the Relational Formation section in the SOULeader Bookstore.
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Also Read:
Relational Formation - How God Uses People In Our Transformation
Michael Bischof
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